On Valentine's Day, about 15 minutes into the speed-dating party she'd paid $35 to attend, my friend Nika decided she'd had enough. So she bolted.She took a train across the Bay, rode a subway across town, and walked four blocks uphill to a little bookstore. There, she met me and a group of people who identify themselves as Quirkyalones. By the time she left, she was clutching a tulip someone had given her, grinning like a schoolgirl who'd just been asked to go the prom.
It's no secret that Valentine's Day tends to bring out all kinds of insecurities in singles. Even the bravest among us can't help but squirm as the red-letter day approaches: Should I stay home to avoid the flock of lip-locked lovers on the street? Should I hand a random stranger some long-stem roses and ask her out to dinner? Would someone respond to my eleventh hour proposal?
Thankfully, my friend Sasha, the author of Quirkyalone, invented the International Quirkyalone Day seven years ago. It is, in her words, "a do-it-yourself celebration of romance, friendship, and independent spirit ... [It's] not anti-Valentine's Day. It's NOT a pity party for single people."
This weekend, Sasha was hosting the annual gathering at Red Hill Books, hidden among the quiet cafes and overlooked restaurants in Bernal Height. One of the regular features of the event is a List Slam. It works just like a poetry slam, but instead of poetry, people share some kind of list, often created on the spot.
One friend, a fellow writer, rattled off a list that resembled a zookeeper's catalog. Apparently, she'd thought long and hard about what her ex-boyfriends would be if they were wild creatures:
- Johnathan was definitely a bear cub.
- Stephen was, well, he was tall, so he'd be a giraffe.
- Sergei was a bear cub too.
- Alex, well, he should be a bear cub too ...
"Yeah, I don't know where my bear-cub attraction is coming from," she replied.
"What would I be if I were an animal?" I asked.
"Probably a gentle lion," she said.
"Can I mention your list in my blog?" I asked.
"Sure," she said, "just don't use my real name."
"What should I call you?" I asked.
"Mountain Goat Girl," she said.
"I think its' dangerous for a mountain goat to be going out with bear cubs," I told her.
(Mountain Goat Girl and I never dated, quite possibly because I was not a bear cub.)
After the List Slam, all the Quirkyalones migrated to a nearby bar to sample the Quirkytini, a cocktail created to mark the occasion (the mix calls for a splash of hibiscus extract, vodka, and a few other ingredients). When I went to get one for Nika, the bartender (whose wavy locks and large brown eyes reminded me of a gazelle) handed me a plate of cupcakes. I in turn offered one to the stranger next to me.
"No, thanks," she said, "I'm watching my girlish figure."
"Have you tried the Quirkytini?" I asked.
"What's that?" she asked.
I gave a brief history of the Quirkyalone Day to my new friend, who introduced herself as Jillian.
"Come here," Jillian said. "Let me show you something."
She led me to the bathroom door and pointed to a flyer, which read: Love Stinks! Join us for the anti-Valentine's Day gathering. Order a Broken-Heart Cocktail and get wasted.
The Love-Stinks party was gone by the time the Quirkyalones arrived (the two groups wouldn't have mixed well anyway). Nevertheless, the doe-eyed bartender said she'd gladly make me one of their jaded drinks if I'd care to try it.
"OK, but light on the vodka, please," I said. "I'm not that broken up."
Jillian seemed amused.
"Things didn't work out between me and my lover either, but I'm still friends with her," she volunteered, in the newfound camaraderie prompted by Broken-Heart cocktails.
Nika has dated both men and women. As luck would have it, Jillian fits the type of women she usually falls for.
"I'd like you to meet my friend Nika," I said to Jillian.
Then, once they began warming up to each other, I made myself scarce.
About 30 minutes later, I witnessed something that restored my faith in chivalry. Jillian plucked a tulip out of a vase and handed it to Nika.
"I saw what you did there," I told Jillian later. "That was very chivalrous."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"That little gesture you made belongs to the Age of King Arthur and knights in shining armors," I said. "It's very romantic."
Jillian blushed.
Earlier, I asked Nika if I should give Jillian her email. She gave me the green light.
"Maybe you two can hang out," I suggested to Jillian.
"OK," she replied with a knowing smile.
Who knew a Quirkyalone with a Broken-Heart cocktail could play Cupid so well?
(Image: International Quirkyalone Day logo from www.quirkyalone.net. In her book, Sasha Cagen identifies Elizabeth I and Katherine Hepburn as QuirkyAlones.)
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18 comments:
I LOVE this! I can so relate to the QuirkyAlones and definitely agree you'd be a gentle lion....
What a fun post and surprising ending. As long as there is hope... I spent the day attempting to hold my daughter earth bound if only a tad as she was flying high after trying on and buying her first pair of pointe shoes.
I love your celebration of Valetine's day!!
Awww, that's cute! Yay for a successful night! :)
Princess: Rrrrr, thanks! :-)
Exception: You celebrated the day with your precious one--that's more than what some can say about how they spent this day.
TC: Let's hope what I started this night would lead to something. :-)
I'm wondering if this makes up for your lack of interruption during the perfectly horrible date?
Mtnhighmama: You are right! If this works out, Nika will have to forgive me for failing to make that rescue call on her horrible blind date. :-)
Ooh, I like the word quirky but never use it. Thanks for reminding me of it. I like cupcakes too...glad you had one on VD:)
Ally: It's one of my favorite words. About those cup cakes, they ran out so fast I never got to eat them. I ended up distributing them mostly (but that allowed me to meet and talk to some very sweet people).
sure sounds interesting. i'd probably be in that same party if i were in san fran. :)
ps: you write well! i love your tone, i'm not sure why yet.
Sounds like you had a great night. Valentines Day doesn't bring out anything in me, true quirky alone, happy in my aloneness.
I got rung up to see if I would go on a talk show here in Australia as a single on Valentines Day, but they didn't take me as I wasn't miserable about it, and they were looking for how single people cope. I told them I didn't give a rats arse about Valentines Day.
Visited San Fran 10 years ago. Loved it!
Acey: Thanks for the kind words! I think you would have had a lovely time at the QuirkyAlone party.
Onadrought: 10 years ago? I think another visit to San Francisco is long overdue. :-) The next time you get rung up by TV show producers, you should be as melodramatic as you can be to get selected, then slam the show when you're on the air.
The Quirky Alone thing is a fabulous idea.
I don't dread V day as much as i used to. Somehow its easier when you're not involved. I can honestly say that in spite of having boyfriends on Valentines days past, none of them made the effort to even buy a card.
My take is that you don't really miss what you never had and knowing you won't be remembered because there is no one to remember is preferable to the feeling of dread when you know the person who should remember won't.
Beth: I never thought of it that way, but you're right. It probably stings more if your significant other doesn't make an effort to acknowledge you.
Love this post. Doesn't it feel amazing to help someone else find happiness? That's a unique twist on this special day dedicated to showing other's you care. :)
This is awesome....very fun...
Discovered your blog after seeing the link on the I Live Here SF project blog. Wandered over and saw this post which made me excited because I read the Quirkyalone book a few years ago, loved it and then promptly forgot about it. Great stuff!
EC: What a coincidence! Your profile pic is a cupcake :-) Thanks for visiting here.
Deadmanshonda: Hi, old friend! Good to see you again. Miss your humor in Blogsphere.
Kathryn: Thanks for stopping by! Always a pleasure to meet another Quirkyalone fans.
Ooh, yay! I'm looking forward to updates on this one!
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